Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
