come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
