I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
