Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
