I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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