So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
