Grow some girl-balls and come out already
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
