I wanna bring you to show and tell
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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