I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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