i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I could make wine with my vomit
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
