Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
