I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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