2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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