youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
