I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
