There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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