I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
