I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
