I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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