I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
