Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
