I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
