so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
