Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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