a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
