i think i recognize dicks better than faces
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
