This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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