So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
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It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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