Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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