It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
