i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
