you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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