How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
