your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
