That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
