So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
