In the future we'll all be gay
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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