Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
