i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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