my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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