Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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