please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
