Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
