I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
