@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
