Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
