hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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