Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
