You made me cry and you don't even care
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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