And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
