I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
