guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
is it fun? or sober?
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