Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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