we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
