I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
