I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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