Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
