Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
