i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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