Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We are two peas in an std pod
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian