I looked at my own cervix.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
