i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now