bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
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They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing