I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
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She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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